Attend a Bengali wedding
Know all about the customs, traditions and attire
A traditional Bengali wedding is a series of elaborate and colourful rituals. The melodious strains of a Shehnai and the blowing of conch shell are the most important characteristic of a Bengali marriage. The purpose is to draw everyone's the attention to the wedding and also to summon the invitees. It is also a kind of social declaration from the family to rest of the society.
Here we explore all the customs and rituals, traditions and attire of a Bengali wedding.
Day 1: Ai-budo bhaat (Bachelor / Bachelorette party)
The pre-wedding and post wedding rituals stretch for 4 days. The day before the actual wedding is called ai-budo bhaat, or in other words a bachelor or a bachelorette party. The bride and the groom celebrate it individually at their respective homes where they share an afternoon meal with unmarried friends and cousins. On the same day, vridhi is performed wherein a puja is offered to the ancestors of the bride and the groom.
Day 2: Biye (Marriage) Dadhi Mangal
The marriage rituals commence before sunrise. Some married women from the bride and groom's family go to the Ganges and formally invite the Gods and seek their blessings. The bride and the groom are then given some food like curd and chuda and after that they are supposed to fast till they are married.
Gae Halud
A relative of the groom arrives at the bride's house with Gae halud tattva (gifts) for the bride. The gifts include sarees, cosmetics, fish, assorted sweets, curd, paan, dhaan and durba. Conch shells are blown and the bearers welcomed with sweets.
The Gae Halud snan takes place in the afternoon. A few married women apply turmeric and oil on the bride / groom. After bathing, the bride and groom must wear the new set of clothes (traditionally a yellow saree for the bride and a white kurta for the groom) that have been presented to them by their in-laws.
Dressing the bride
For the evening, the bride adorns herself in all her bridal finery. Along with all the jewellery she wears red and white bangles (shankha pola). The traditional wedding dress for the bride is a red and golden saree. Her hair is tied into a bun covered with a veil and she wears a mukut over it. After her bridal makeover, a design of the mukut is traced on her face using the chandan paste. The bride must sit with the gaach kouto and kaajal laata for the ceremonies that follow.
Dressing the groom
The groom wears a traditional dhoti kurta. Like the bride a design of chandan paste is also applied on his forehead and he wears a topor on his head.
Welcoming the groom
When the groom and his relatives arrive at the bride's house, they are welcomed with blowing of conch shells, ululation and boron dala. Both, the mother of the bride and of the groom do not attend this ceremony. It is believed that this will protect the couple from the 'evil eye'.
The wedding ceremony
Bengali weddings are typically conducted in the evening or night. The bride is carried on a piri (a low wooden stool) by her brothers and is taken round the groom in seven complete circles, which signifies that they are wound up securely to each other.
The bride and groom then exchange garlands while the purohit chants mantras. After garlanding one another the bride and the groom are made to look at each other in front of all the assembled invitees. This exchange of loving glance is called shubho drishti.
Her paternal or maternal uncle gives the bride away before a yagna as the fire God, Agni, is regarded as a witness. This particular ritual is called sampradan. Then the groom applies sindoor (vermilion) on the forehead of the bride to mark the end of the marriage ceremony. The bride then covers her head with a new saree offered by the groom as ghomta or veil. However, in case of the Bengalis from East Bengal, the groom adorns the forehead of his bride with sindoor the next morning. He does this by looking into a mirror. This ritual is called bashi biye.
Bashor Ghar
After the marriage, there is revelry and merry-making and the couple is served dinner. Jokes, songs and poetry recitals by friends and relatives keep the couple awake all through the night. However, for the Bengalis from East Bengal this ritual does not exist.
Day 3: Bidaai
This ceremony marks the departure of the bride to her new home. The newly weds are blessed by the elders.
Bou Baran
This ritual is performed to welcome the bride to her new home. The groom's elder brother's wife holds a plate containing lac dye and milk under the bride's feet. Having imprinted the soles of her feet thus, she leads her by the arm into the house. The elders of the house bless the newly weds. There are very interesting rituals attached to this event. The new bride is taken to the kitchen to witness that milk is overflowing. This is an indication of abundance. Then there are a lot of good-natured fun and games between the couple. The bride and groom are not supposed to meet that that night as it is called Kaalratri.
Day 4: Bou Bhat
It is during this ceremony that the bride has her first meal in the home of her in-laws. The girl cooks and serves all the members of her husband's family. This ceremony is followed by a reception in the evening, hosted by the groom's father.
Phool Sajja
The last of the wedding ceremonies, this occasion sees the bride in a new saree and the groom in a new dhoti and kurta and adorned with flowers. Their nuptial bedroom is beautifully decorated with flowers, which is why the term, phool sajja. The flowers, clothes and sweets for the occasion usually arrive as gifts from the bride's house. After a bit of playful teasing they are left together alone in their room to enjoy conjugal bliss.
